I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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