you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
