he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
