is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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