i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
