the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
