I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
