my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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