I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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