when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
