I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
