When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
