I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
