I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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