It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
