i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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