'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
