god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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