Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
