Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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