Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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