he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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