Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
