my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
