That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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