forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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