i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
