Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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