you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
