Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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