every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
