Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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