just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
