I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
