the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
