just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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