If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
