i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
