oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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