I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
