I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
