The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
