There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
