office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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