spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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