she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
