Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
