I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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