Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
