If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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