mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
